I’ve always had an anger problem. A lot of it comes from the way I was raised. My family was what we called, “built on a sound basis only”. We were loud when we got angry. In fact whenever my parents had an argument, the whole neighborhood knew it. Where my anger comes from, I do not know. My husband has some theories, and some of them may be true, but I really don’t know from where this anger is coming that resides deep inside of me.
In my Bible Journaling, we are working on “Unmovable Mountains” in our lives. Anger is my unmovable mountain. I have pretty much come to a point in my life where, if I don’t deal with this now, I’ll never gain any victory over it. My husband has been a great part of this “come to Jesus” moment. He has made me realize that I HAVE to conquer this mountain and gain victory over it, or I will never have the peace that I really should have.
In reading the story of Jesus and Peter on the water, in Matthew 14:22-23, I found something interesting. Aside from the fact that Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water out of obedience to Jesus’ command to “Come”, the water wasn’t calm at the time, because the Bible says, “the wind was contrary.” (Matthew 14:24) So the waves were stirred up, and the seas were battering the boat, but when Peter and Jesus walked back to the boat, the winds and waves became calm. The thought struck me, “Obedience brings peace!”
As I’ve mentioned in a previous post on my blog, the word, “Obedience” has the word, “die”, in the middle of it. I have to die to those things (sin) that are causing my struggles, so that in being obedient to God, I can have peace. Anger is sin if I cannot control it. The Bible says we are to be angry but not to the point of sinning. (Ephesians 4:26) This is a life-long struggle for me. I have a hair-trigger temper, and I can go from calm to explosion in 0 to 30 seconds. My Dad was like that, so I guess I come by it naturally. It always has been something I hate the most about myself. I am so much like my Dad in this area, and try as hard as I can, I just can’t seem to get a firm grip on this, at least not on my own. This is one of those battles that require help from Jesus!
So, how do I conquer this mountain? One step at a time! The Bible says, “Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.” (Ecclesiastes 7:9) So when I fly off the handle quickly, I am a fool. So, why is it I don’t see this as foolishness? Maybe because I feel justified in my feelings of anger, but that doesn’t line up with Scripture. The command to “be angry and sin not” is not easy for me. I have a tendency to reach the point of no return before I can even stop myself. So the whole, “count to ten before you speak” is pretty much lost on me, as words are out of my mouth before I even know I’ve spoken them.
So, my prayer today is, “Lord Jesus, help me conquer this unmovable mountain. Your Word tells me that “For with God nothing is impossible.” (Luke 1:37), and that means that I can have victory in my battle against anger with Your help. Lord, help me to see the small victories, and build on them with each step. Help me to stop before I succumb to angry outbursts. Put a guard on my mouth and a lid on my temper. I seek Your peace. If there is a base cause for this anger, then Lord bring it to the forefront so that I can deal with it and gain the victory. Thank You Lord, for loving me in spite of my failures. In Your name I pray, amen.